The Empty Promises of Feminism
Guest Post by Olivia Serrano
The great paradox of the “liberated” woman of our era is that in unshackling herself from traditional roles and expectations, she can also lose her bearings and sense of purpose in life. A life that seems “liberated” from oppressive obligations and ties may become empty and aimless. Gilmore Girls (which debuted on October 5, 2000) provides us with a valuable glimpse into the dilemma of the modern woman, who feels compelled to choose between optimizing her professional career and finding fulfilment in family life.
Gilmore Girls chronicles the daily life of Lorelai Gilmore, a single mother who became pregnant at sixteen, and her daughter Rory. The series begins when Rory is sixteen years old, allowing viewers to watch her grow and discover herself over the seven-year span of the show, with her ever-loyal mother by her side.
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Rory’s graduates from Yale University with a degree in journalism, to embark on an exciting, yet uncertain journey. At 22, she turns down a marriage proposal from her boyfriend. Ten years later, at 32, Rory owns no property, has no place she can truly call home, is unmarried, and is not excited about her professional life. She lives a nomadic lifestyle, recycling past romances without commiting to anybody.
This is the life of a woman who bought into the promises of feminism, like millions others, believing that professional success should always come first and that she could find a partner and start a family later, in her own good time. Rory turned down her boyfriend’s marriage proposal at 22, not because she didn’t love him or because he was a bad match for her, but rather, because they were “so young,” and they had to build their careers first.
Her choice to defer marriage seemed sensible and logical. Yet ten years later, she feels lonely and purposeless, becoming the unmarried "mistress" of the very same man who once wanted to marry her. So much for career first, then “settling down.”
Rory’s embrace of the feminist dream has consequences for the men in her life. Logan, who once wanted to commit to Rory and start a family, finds himself wandering through life without a purpose after his marriage proposal is turned down. Ten years later, he is "engaged" to another woman but spends his nights and free time with his college girlfriend, becoming a man who prefers to avoid genuine commitments.
Ironically, the show concludes with Rory revealing to her mother that she's pregnant. This twist underscores the fact that, despite attempts to avoid and defer the commitments of marriage and motherhood, this young woman ends up finding a channel for her maternal instincts, albeit outside any stable relationship.
Gilmore Girls is a poignant portrayal of a young woman who bought into feminism’s empty promise that she could “have it all” and that she could pursue her career ambitions full throttle without hurting the prospects of having a family or being a mother. In Rory Gilmore, I see the regretful gaze of many friends and colleagues who secretly wish they had made different choices.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with pursuing a professional career with passion and devotion. But that passion, if it is too single-minded, can cloud our vision. Some important and life-changing choices, such as becoming a mother, are time-sensitive. Sometimes, by the time you realize how much you want it, it is simply too late.
Ultimately, the sadness in Rory’s eyes confirms that love and commitment to something noble and inspiring are what truly make us free and happy. Avoiding commitment in order to preserve freedom is self-defeating, since freedom divorced from commitment is like a ship adrift without a navigation system.
Using freedom solely for one’s own benefit or career advancement, divorced from any strong notion of commitment, community, and love is a shallow existence, no matter what feminism might say to the contrary. A life without enduring love and commitment, such as the life of young people who participate in the shallow “hook-up”/”one-night-stand” culture of many college campuses, may offer some emotional excitement, but deep down, it is unfulfilling and empty.
True freedom is found not in the absence of commitments, but in the richness of the relationships we choose and the love we cultivate. We cannot taste the fruits of freedom until we take responsibility for our own life and commit ourselves to something beautiful, that takes us beyond ourselves and our egos. Freedom is not diminished by commitment, but rather, it is amplified by the depth and meaning commitments bring to our lives.
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